Graveside
by Tigeroo
Summary: What would have happened if Alex had contacted Olivia immediately after WP?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, well except for all typos and mistakes.

Spoilers up to Season 6 (Ghost) and all the Conviction stuff.

This is a two-parter about Alex' return from WP. What would have happened if she had contacted Olivia before season 10?

I would like to thank JJagged for the plot bunny which prompted this fic!

* * *

**Graveside**

After Agent Hammond had left her in an empty apartment, with a set of old keys and new documents, there had only been one thing on Alex' mind. She had taken a cab, and thirty-five minutes later she had reached her destination.

Following the pathways she hadn't walked in years, she finally found the place where her father had been buried while Alex had still been in college. Next to his headstone another one had been erected, this one reading 'Celine Cabot'.

The blonde sobbed, touching the cold marble with her hands. They had told her that her mother had died, "Cancer", Agent Hammond had said, but deep down, she hadn't really believed it until now, until the cold stone and the metallic letters touched her fingers. Now, and only now, all hope that this was just a nightmare that she could wake up from was gone, and Alexandra cried. She cried for her mother, she cried for all the time that had been stolen from them, and she cried at the thought that her mother had never known that her daughter had still been alive.

She cried until her eyes ran dry, and when she heard footsteps nearing, she pulled herself together, wiping her eyes. It was only then, that she noticed the fresh bouquet of the most beautiful lilies lying on her mother's grave. Alex herself hadn't brought any flowers, since she had come straight from her vacant apartment, and so she was more than surprised that apparently someone else was still visiting her mother's grave. She didn't have any immediate family in New York left, so who?

Alex picked the flowers up, inhaling the sweet smell. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, as the smell took her back into another time and place, back to her parents' house and later her mother's apartment, which had always smelled of lilies.

"They are beautiful, aren't they?", the old woman who had just arrived to water the plants on the grave next to the Cabot's family grave said, nodding towards the flower bouquet Alex was still holding.

"Yes, they are, I just wonder who would bring them", Alex replied.

"Are you family?", the woman inquired.

"Yes, it's my mother's grave, but I have been... abroad...", Alex explained. 'Abroad', nice euphemism for 'dead', the cynic inside her thought.

"I'm very sorry for your loss, it must be hard to lose your mother and sister so close after one another", the old lady replied.

"My sister?", Alex asked confused.

"Oh, wasn't she your sister? I'm sorry, I just assumed", the woman answered, pointing at the grave on the other side of that of Alex' parents.

Alex hadn't noticed neither the headstone nor the fresh dahlias, some of her favourite flowers. She read the inscription on the stone and felt her knees buckle.

'Alexandra Dorothy Cabot', followed by her date of birth and the day that Velez stole her life.

It was one thing to know that people thought her dead, but seeing her own empty grave was just a little more than Alex could handle.

"Honey, are you OK?", she felt the dirt covered hands of the old lady touch her arm.

The blonde blinked, then nodded. "Yes, it's just a little overwhelming", she finally whispered.

The pensioner who mistook her shock for grief nodded sympathetically.

"Yes, that's completely understandable, don't worry dear, it's been nearly ten years since my Harry died, but sometimes I still can't believe it...", the woman droned on, glad to have found someone to talk to, while Alex was still wondering who would put fresh flowers on both, her mother's and her own grave.

After the old lady had run out of steam, she finally voiced the question once more.

"You are here quite often I gather? So do you have any idea who might have brought the flowers?", she asked.

The senior nodded. "Oh yes, a young woman, maybe your age, or a little older. Brunette, very lovely, she helped me with my digging once. Never caught her name though. She comes here every second Sunday or so, always in the mornings."

Brunette. Alex breathing stocked. She had thought that maybe Serena had been the visitor, but brown hair could only mean one person: Olivia Benson. So the detective, who apart from her partner had been the only one who had known that the former ADA had not died, had visited her empty grave, and that of her mother? Had Olivia even known her mom? They had been dating for nearly four months when the shooting had happened, and it had been their joint decision not to tell Alex' mother. The detective had been the first woman Alex had ever dated and she hadn't been sure how the older Cabot would react to that revelation, so there had never been any 'meet the parents'. And yet, after all this time Olivia had not only brought flowers to her grave but also to that of her deceased mother.

The attorney was torn. She was not ready to face the detective yet, not ready to go back to the 1-6, meet all the cops, answer all their questions. She had no idea whether Olivia had moved on, and she was afraid to ask. Yet the thought that the brunette still visited her grave, gave her hope that she had not been forgotten, and that Olivia might still care for her. Still, a woman like Olivia did not deserve to be alone, and it was quite possible that someone else might have noticed and remedied that fact. And even if Olivia was still single and open to the possibility of another try with the former ADA, what was Alex supposed to do, call her and say "Hi honey, I'm home, miss me?"?

Alex shook her head, trying to stop the chaos in her head from making her brain explode. No, she decided, she would have to get her life back in order first: find a new job, get her funds back, buy some new furniture for her now empty apartment. Then she would meet her former lover and find out whether there was still hope for them. Yes, that was a good plan! And it would give her a little more time...

She bid the old lady farewell, placed the lilies on her mother's grave once more, and left the cemetery.

–

After all the necessary paperwork had been finished, and the newly appointed bureau chief was now living in her sparsely furnished apartment and not a hotel anymore, Alex thought it was time to make her move, and maybe reclaim her detective (and therewith her own life) again, or be rejected and move on.

She was convinced that the brunette who was shy in all matters personal, would never admit to visiting Alex' grave, and she didn't want to make a fool out of herself in case she had been mistaken about the identity of the mysterious visitor, so this was the second Sunday in a row that Alex found herself perched on a bench close to the Cabot graves. The first time, no brunette flower girl had appeared, only Mrs. Jacobson from the neighbour grave had been there again, keeping Alex company and planting fresh flowers.

The second time she was about to give up, and had already grabbed her empty coffee cup in order to leave, when she saw a familiar shape walk down the pathway. Olivia was staring at the ground in front of her, one hand buried in the pocket of her trusted leather jacket, the other one holding two bouquets of flowers. When she reached the graves, she placed each bouquet on the corresponding grave, noticing the fresh flowers Alex had left there earlier.

She did not turn around when she heard the gravel crunch under Alex' feet. Nor did she move when her nose detected a whiff of the smell that she sometimes imagined to still linger on the forgotten sweatshirt that was hidden in the back of her closet.

"So, you're back?", she stated in a low voice.

Alex was now standing directly behind the detective and didn't know what to say or do.

Olivia turned around. Slowly, as if she was afraid that she might break the spell and face an empty pathway.

She looked up, and when sky blue eyes met chocolate brown it was as if time stood still.

"Liv", Alex whispered.

"Alexandra", Liv replied, reverently, feeling the name rolling from her tongue, a lone tear trekking down her cheek.

Their rigour was broken, and within the fraction of a second they were clinging to each other, hugging and crying.

After what seemed like an eternity they separated a little, still not letting completely go of one another. Olivia's thumb wiped Alex' tears away.

"You never looked more beautiful", she said in awe.

Alex smiled through her tears, overwhelmed by the honest expression on the other woman's face.

"You have always been biased."

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Chapter 2 will hopefully follow soon. My muse is bribable though, feedback usually makes her work faster :-)


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, well except for all typos and mistakes.

Spoilers up to Season 6 (Ghost) and all the Conviction stuff.

There we are, the second (and last) part of 'Graveside'. Thank you so much for your encouraging words, the adds to your lists, and simply reading and enjoying the story. I will answer all of you later, but I need to rush off and wanted to post the new chapter before I leave. Enjoy!  


* * *

Half an hour later they were sitting in a coffee shop a few streets down, sipping their hot beverages and simply enjoying each others company.

Finally Alex broke the silence, asking a question she had wanted to ask the detective for several weeks now.

"You met my mother?"

"Yes, we actually met at your funeral. After the ceremony she sat down next to me", Olivia thought back to that horrible day, that had been one of the worst days of her life.

–

"_You must be Miss Benson", the devastated woman, who still seemed so perfectly in control, had asked Olivia._

"_Yes Mrs. Cabot, Detective Olivia Benson", Olivia replied politely, fighting the tears that threatened to overwhelm her._

"_Detective, of course. My daughter spoke very highly of you", Celine told her._

_Olivia seemed surprised, but kept silent, not really knowing what to say. She was sitting next to a woman who had just buried her daughter, and who neither knew that said daughter had been in a relationship with the detective, nor that she was still very much alive. There just were no fitting words, and she was pretty sure that she would lose the fight against her tears pretty soon._

"_You know detective, I admire your restraint, but even though my own parents told me otherwise, I've long ago learned that it is actually quite OK to mourn the loss of a loved one, and to cry for them", the soft voice of Mrs. Cabot said._

_Olivia looked up into seemingly familiar, and very knowing eyes._

_Celine made a sound that sounded like something between a strangled sob and a snort. "Please, Detective Benson, I am not naive. Apart from the fact that my daughter mentioned you in each of our conversations, she had a picture of you in her living room and her wallet, and most of all, she has been deliriously happy during the last few months. So don't insult my intelligence and my daughter's memory by pretending you were just colleagues." _

_She took the detective's hand, and the dam broke. Olivia started to cry, silent tears running down her cheeks. Soon they were both crying, holding each other._

_Shortly thereafter Olivia was called in, but before leaving she had handed the older woman her card. "In case you ever need anything, call me", she had told her._

–

"A couple of weeks later she called me, and invited me for lunch. From there on we met every four to six weeks, until she found out she was sick, then I visited her at the hospital ", Olivia elaborated.

"I can't believe she knew about us, and that she was OK with it", Alex stated, still in shock.

"Alex, your mom was a very intelligent woman who loved you very much. She wanted you to be happy, no matter whom you chose to love", the brunette said.

"I'm glad she knew I found happiness", Alex smiled tearily. "Now if only she had known, that I was still alive..."

Olivia cleared her throat. "Well, uhm, actually she knew about that as well..."

"My mother knew?", Alex squeaked.

"Alex, she was dying, it was obvious that she didn't have more than a few weeks left to live, maybe even less. I could not let her die thinking she outlived you", Olivia explained.

Alex looked dazed. "No, it's OK, in fact it's more than OK. I just always thought she never knew. You can't believe how many times that thought kept me awake at night."

The detective nodded. "I can't imagine."

"So you told her?", the ex-ADA asked, willing Olivia to tell her.

"Oh yeah, I told her at the hospital. At first she looked as if she didn't believe me. Then something in her eyes changed, and she told me to lean down to her. When I did, she slapped me full-force, which admittedly was not much after weeks of chemo, but it really took me by surprise."

"What do you mean, my mother slapped you? My mother has never raised her hand to anyone!", Alex exclaimed, shocked.

"Well, I guess I must be pretty special then", Olivia grinned, remembering Mrs. Cabot's outburst.

–

_Olivia rubbed her stinging cheek, facing the furious looking woman in front of her._

_"I guess I deserved that", she said._

_The older Cabot leaned back against her pillow, the exertion taking its toll. "Believe me Detective Benson, if I wasn't too weak to brush my own teeth, you would be over my knee right now. And then I would make you call that FBI agent, to get my daughter's address, where you would drive me, so I could give Alexandra a piece of my mind as well!"_

_Olivia smiled. Even after everything she had been through, Celine Cabot still was a formidable woman, and it was easy to see where Alex got her drive from. "Yes ma'am.", she muttered, looking at her shoes. When she looked up again, she saw tears streaming down the other woman's cheeks._

"_Thank you", Celine croaked, her hand grabbing that of the younger woman._

"_I think I can die in peace now, knowing that I didn't live longer than my daughter, knowing that Alexandra is still out there somewhere, alive, and hopefully well."_

"_I tried to contact agent Hammond, so that he could inform Alex of your... condition, but I couldn't reach him", Olivia answered, a little out of her depth._

"_No!", Mrs. Cabot protested._

_Olivia looked at the livid blue eyes that were an older version of the ones that haunted her dreams, the question written all over her face._

"_Olivia, I am not stupid. And I might be a little selfish sometimes, but I know that if the FBI deemed it necessary to make my daughter disappear without even her mother knowing, than Alex is in mortal danger if people find out that she's still alive. I will not risk the life of my only child, just so I can hold her in my arms once more, and I am sure that if Alexandra was aware of my condition, she would rush here in a second, FBI or not", Celine explained._

–

"Damn right, I would have!", Alex declared. "Why on earth didn't you tell me Liv?"

"Alex, I couldn't reach Hammond, and your mother was adamant. It was her last wish, how could I not have honoured it? Besides, I think she was right, you would have done something stupid and risked your life. None of us could have lived with losing you a second time", Olivia explained.

Alex kept silent, the look of pure love in the brunette's eyes and the constant torrent of emotions and information she had experienced during the last hour taking their toll. She yawned.

Olivia smiled. "Seems like someone is a little tired."

Alex pretended to be offended. "Well maybe someone was a little nervous about possibly meeting you today."

The detective turned serious. "I know. But you wouldn't believe how glad I am that you did."

They smiled at each other. "So am I", Alex replied, taking the other woman's hand.

"So, shall we head home?", Olivia asked, motioning for the waitress to bring the bill.

The blonde looked reluctant. Her own sparse apartment still didn't feel like home, and she wasn't sure whether the detective was offering something more.

Olivia detected the slight hesitation. "My place?", she specified, before immediately starting to backpedal in case she had misunderstood Alex' reaction. "I mean, you don't have to, I just thought..."

Alex interrupted her. "Yes Liv, I'd like that."

–

When Alex entered the brunette's apartment, she was assaulted by a plethora of memories. Liv's place still looked the same, as if she had never left, maybe a little less tidy than normally. She took a deep breath. It still smelled the same as well. Cozy, lingering traces of orange cleaner and Chinese take-out in the air, like Olivia, like home.

Olivia silently took her coat to hang it up, afterwards ushering her former girlfriend into the living room.

Alex felt like travelling back in time. Nothing had changed. There was the couch they had shared take-out on, going through tons of files, practicing Olivia's testimony. The carpet in front of it, were Alex had sat, enjoying the shoulder and neck massage Olivia was so good at. Alex blushed at the sight of the old armchair, where the detective had first taught her how to make love to a woman, when they hadn't wanted to move after watching their favourite foreign movie curled up in the big chair.

"Sorry about the mess, I had a busy week", Olivia apologized, feeling a little embarrassed at inviting the always impeccable attorney into her less than spotless apartment.

"Don't apologize, it's perfect", Alex smiled, letting herself sink into the soft cushions of the trusted couch, sighing at the heavenly feeling.

Olivia chuckled. "I've always wondered whether you really had a thing for me, or just for my couch."

"Well, it's a neck-and-neck race" Alex teased back, glad that they hadn't completely forgotten their old bantering.

"I let you two get reacquainted then. Do you want anything to drink?", Olivia asked, heading for the vestibule.

Alex closed her eyes, cherishing the familiar moment. "Nah, thanks, I'm fine."

A minute later she heard Olivia enter the room again, and the she felt the weight of the brunette on the cushion next to her. She turned around to face the detective, who placed a key and a letter on the couch table in front of her.

"What's that?", the lawyer asked curiously.

Olivia looked a little ill at ease.

"After I told your mother that you were still alive she changed her will. She obviously couldn't leave her whole heritage to you, that would have raised suspicions, so since she didn't have any family left, she gave her whole money to charity and a cancer trust. But the rest of her assets went to a person whose identity was not to be disclosed to the public. Me.

This is the key to a vault in one of New York's finest banks. It contains your mother's jewelery and legal documents that make you the legitimate owner of your parent's real estate and your father's trust fund. I haven't touched anything, just signed the necessary documents. It's all been waiting for your return."

Alex was shocked. She hadn't expected this. She had never needed or wanted her parent's heritage, but there it was, thanks to an honorable officer of the law, and her mother who had entrusted said officer with all she had owned. Alex didn't care about the money. Maybe she was a little glad that the summer house where she had spent her holidays as a child, and that held so many sentimental memories, still belonged to her family. But no, Alex didn't care about these things.

But there was one final gift her mother had given her, that was completely unexpected but meant more to her than any house or piece of jewelery ever could: she had given Alex and Olivia her blessing. By bestowing that huge trust on Olivia she had deemed the detective worthy of her daughter, the modern version of 'half of the kingdom'.

Olivia was a little worried about Alex' continuing silence.

"Alex... Sweetie, are you OK?"

The blonde looked up into the worried brown eyes, still dazed. "Not sure..."

Liv nodded in understanding. It was a lot to take in. She took the letter and handed it to the other woman.

"Your mom also wrote you a letter. You might want to read it."

Alex looked at the familiar handwriting on the envelope, and finally a few tears made their way down her cheek.

"Not yet", she whispered, carefully placing the letter back on the table. Then she faced the detective again, hesitating for only a second, before burrowing her head in the other woman's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably.

Olivia held her tight, stroking the other woman's back, murmuring soothing nonsense into her ears, just letting her cry.

Finally Alex sniffled: "Will you read it with me?"

Olivia placed a tender kiss on Alex' forehead. "Whatever you want, sweetie."

"Later", Alex mumbled, nuzzling the neck in front of her nose. "Just hold me please."

Olivia thought back to the day when she had last met Celine Cabot, two days before the older woman had died.

–

"_Promise me to take good care of her, Olivia Benson", the old woman whispered, breathing heavily. _

_Olivia looked into the eyes of the fragile woman lying in front of her._

"_I promise", she swore, fighting against the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her._

–

She smiled, breathing in Alex' soft smell, not letting go of the blonde. She always honoured her promises.

* * *

Cheesiness aside I hoped you liked it, it was an interesting experience to write something a little more serious, tell me what you think, and thanks again for reading!


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